i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
