nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Randomize
