Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
operation harelip BJ is a go
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
