My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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