Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
