i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
