I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
