Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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