so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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