im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
