if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I love having hate sex.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
