Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
