ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
