meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
