who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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