he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
