apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
