Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
