I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
