Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
