I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
we should paint friendship bongs
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
