He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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