I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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