I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
