A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
