well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You were trust falling into bushes
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
