I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
