She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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