no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
