Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
