We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
