oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
MIDGETS
????
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
