this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
