My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
