i don't plan on having that self control this summer
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
time to smoke my breakfast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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