just tell him i said nine months
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
