hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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