your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
