Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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