so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
