dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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