Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
how does that bad decision feel?
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