her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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