I'm lost and stupid without you.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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