i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I want her autograph on my taint
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
