youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
