can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
