i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
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Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
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I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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