just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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