we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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