Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
