So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
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