my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
