Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
