So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
