Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
