If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
