moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
