Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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