I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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