I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
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