I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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