She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
