What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
