I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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