My hand turned me down
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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