Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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